At world's end: Day 5

It must be getting better. All this talk about time being the best healer has something going for it i guess. Its been 5 days and i am proud to say i am crying less. I dont dissolve into tears each time i come home and lock myself in my room. In fact yesterday i cried only four times through the day. Wowie, an achievement there i must say.

And yet yesterday was the first test for me. As i turned around to pick up something in office i saw him sitting there and it was like a physical punch in the gut. It did things to my body i did not think possible. I clenched my fists, fished out the umbrella he had left in my house the day he walked out on me and walked up to him and calmly returned it. He gave me an idiot smile. I simply turned away, walked into the loo and cried myself silly.

I start crying when someone is kind to me or when someone very gently asks.. how are you? Simple words exchanged between countless people every single day but now they mean something to me. How am i? I vaccilate. When i speak to V something automatically constricts in my throat and i begin babbling. And then after work i go for my class and feel even more wretched. The same activity that kept me rooted now sees me passive, mute. But then i go for dinner with k and have a roaring time. I do. And i tell myself there is life out there and i should stall the melodrama.

So its day 5 post the break up and there has been no going back. Perhaps because for once i understand there is nothing to go back to.